Friday, April 20, 2007


I couldn´t put one certain conflict that made me change. There must have been many ones that provocated changes along the years and hopefully made me a better person, or simply brought mreflections that I try considering so far.
Perhaps I could point moments of conflicts, would it possibly reach the objective of this query? I shall give a try. But in a peculiar way. If it totally fails, please do not hit me with some drums´s sticks...
“There was a time, when I was so broken hearted, love wasn´t much of a friend of mine...” Sings Steven Tyler. Lives I. A conflic of two years ended the year after, when I decided to have some more of self-respect and wave that year of hell goodbye.
And then it goes like Alanis´ track “ You live- you learn, you love- you learn, you cry-you learn, you lose-you learn...” I´ve followed the “ you learn” steps until the “ Wait until the dust settles”... And then “ You wait and see the smoke clears”.
Smoke cleared. That conflict in my life was solved. After that it was peaceful times until love knocked on my door and got in with official note “ I´m back”. It brought me happiness, but later on turned into a new conflict that is still being processed. To sum up, love begin as a promisse, happens as a living-promisse, ends like a legend. It has always been a strong conflict. I think it made me more self-confident & more self -defensive at the same time. I applied the idea of “Turn chaos into Art” which became my life philosophy; as well as “What doesn´t kill you, makes you stronger” and finally “ Better be pessimistic and be surprised than be optimistic than be disappointed”. The last one is not healthy at all, so I make use of it in a moderate way. I try not to expect, then I simply hope.
I´m very conflictuous myself. Sometimes real battles happens on the inside. Some of them I stuck in and get rid of, hurted but alive. Other, remains and its dissolved in the everyday life. Both carries consequences. All of it made me change somehow at some point I couldnt precisely define. But the main change could be I end up thinking more about my conflicts. Writting this text was a conflic itself. Now I end up thinking, have I ever been a conflic to someone?


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