Turn Chaos Into Art

I don’t know what love is. But I love you, just like this. And not just sometimes. I don’t know what it feels like to have you, but did you ever feel like mine? I don’t know how to move, how to explain, I don’t know what to say or how to look at you. But I know enough to keep you inside like my only living part. I don’t know how to please, how to avoid, how to stop acting weird. Every little thing you say leaves a mark. And I don’t know how to finish any feeling for you when I start. Just like nearly everything, I should try. But I give you all of me, and step behind. As I’m afraid that you’ll really take it, or never mind. I don’t know how to stay with you without willing to hide how much you got from me, I just throw a smile. Do you know the way I feel when you’re by my side? That I could stand forever close to you but I get on the verge of running away, on the inside? I give you too many excuses not to lose my mind. Too many halves, and I trace so fine a way to lose you, right? I don’t know what you want from me, when you don’t expect anything in fact. I don’t know what goes through your life, through your thoughts, through your heart. I don’t know which way to follow, which feeling suits you and I. Without hurting you with my unspoken passion, and too many words you’ll find. Without even hurting myself all the time. Often you confuse me, and it happens that you cause me damage with how you put out your words. I must be too silly, too stupid and thanks god there is you to tell me to stop. Thing is I don’t know how to deal with you, when it bothers me so deeply that I miss you badly, and I can’t disguise myself, no matter how hard I try to let it go, hopeful that it could help me, that it might be easier. Rather than not to hold you for more than just a while, to kiss you for more than just a threat, to hear you speak of your lovers from time to time. It is just fair that I don’t know what love is, when I don’t know how to love. But I don’t know how to name it all. I wonder what it means when you say “I like you”, is it more or less than we have to offer, without expecting a thing from each other?

KP